Joe's Ankle Surgery

I know I've been really behind on the blogs. I actually blogged about this on MySpace, but just haven't made my way here. Bad Kimi..Bad! Things have just been so hectic and now I'm taking care of two babies instead of one (Hailey and now Joe!). So here is the long and skinny on how Joe's ankle surgery went:

We left here a little late - figures. We got to the sixth floor of the hospital and they immediately stuck me in a waiting room with no toys, a hard tile floor, a TV with no channels (only a VCR and like 5 movies) and there was one other person there already waiting. Great..looked fun *sarcasm*.

They get Joe's paperwork all ready to go and they come and get me and we go to get him all dressed up. OMG He was SO cute in his little outfit.. I wish I'd taken a picture! A doctor came and wrote on his left ankle, making sure it was marked that that was the ankle for surgery (although I had already used a permanent marker on Joe's right ankle and wrote "OTHER ANKLE" on it. haha

We wait there for a little while and they stick me in the waiting room again - so fast that I had NO clue what was going on and wasn't even given the chance to say goodbye to Joe at all - which is absolute BULLSHIT. Anything could have gone wrong and they should have given us time together as a family. I swear.. I'm like the only damn person with common sense and a heart around here!

Joe left... and I didn't see him again nor hear if he was okay for another SIX HOURS. What was supposed to be a "three hour surgery" turned out to be much, much longer. Apparently, Joe had a lot of trouble during the surgery because his oxygen levels kept dropping really low and he would almost completely forget to breathe (well no shit.. he has SLEEP APNEA and I have known that for a while although he's never been officially diagnosed). But now.. a doctor has even told him "You have sleep apnea. You have got to get that sleep study done so we can get you sleeping properly again... no wonder you are always so damn tired." So anyways....

Around noon, a guy in uniform came into the waiting room and told me "Your husband is out of operation, and is being taken into recovery. That phone over there will ring and when it's for you, they will let you know where to go to be with him." First off.. that was the most poorly worded after surgery update I've ever heard. Okay.. so I've actually never heard one before, but still. No word on is he were awake, alive or anything... and telling me I could go "be with him" made me think my husband was dead and I was going to go claim the damn body. I was freaked out enough.. I didn't need that crap!

The phone must have rang 100 times.. the waiting room had filled up and people were in and out all day. The phone was never for me. At 2pm, another guy in uniform game in to talk to me... and even took me out of the waiting room to the reception desk because he couldn't figure out why I hadn't been taken to my husband (me either..). But the receptionist got REALLY huffy with me and told I needed to "be patient and go sit in the waiting room" and I was like "Whoah bitch..I didn't come out here on my damn own...he's the one who brought me out here!" I went BACK into the damned waiting room.

By this time, I'm in a panic. I'm thinking he's dead and they are rounding up a team to talk to me, getting me a therapist set up and all sorts of stuff and figuring out how they are going to tell a woman who has been sitting in a waiting room for eight hours with her daughter, that her husband died during an ankle surgery.

Thirty minutes pass, and a little old woman comes in and tells me to come with her and by this time, I'm so irritated I could hurt someone. But she opened the door... and there was Joe - groggy, but awake. So then I was really irked... THRILLED to see him, but irked. Why in the world was I bounced every which way if he was going to be wheeled past the waiting room!?

So they wheel him down the hall to Recovery Phase 2, where he's allowed to try to use the bathroom and to get dressed. This part made me realize that I want to be married to Joe when we're 100 years old. Helping him pull up his underwear and pants, put on his sock and shoe for him was pretty much the funniest thing to happen to me all day and it was certainly the first time I really laughed in several days. I get him all dressed and went down to get his prescriptions.

Now this is the weird part. The Army LOVES giving out Motrin. It's like the favorite drug. So of course, they gave us a friggin ton of it - probably more than he'll ever need. They also gave him MORE percocet (he's been taking that for WEEKS already for the pain lol) and then stool softeners since supposedly, percocet can make you constipated (um...he's been taking it for several weeks and trust me.. this hasn't happened! lmao).

Anyways.. I get back to him and for the first time...... EVER in our marriage, the Army wanted MY signature. I had to sign away because he could be deemed to incoherent to do it. So shocking. I swear.. if I needed my uterus removed, I would need Joe's signature. TriCare and the Army are so weird.

So I get him all ready to go, and need to go get the car. Great....this is the part I knew would suck. But I actually surprised myself. I got Hailey in her car seat and folded the stroller back up - stuck it in the back of the car. I got in and adjusted all of Joe's nonsense and turned the car on. Then I sat there for a second so I could remember how to drive (dear lord.. it's been at LEAST six months since I've driven lol). A slight push of the gas and I remembered how to drive and managed to get up to the front so Joe could get into the car.

Apparently, he doesn't like me driving. He was all concerned about how well I could see. I'll admit, I cannot see as sharply as possible right now, but I can totally see well enough to drive. Actually, it was a lot better than I was expecting. Road signs with small wording on them is my problem...but I didn't need those anyways!

I swung by Checkers and got us some lunch...it's what he wanted. Got us home, grabbed Hailey and took her inside to her bedroom so she would be safe and then ran outside for Joe. I helped him down the stairs outside and got him into his bed set up in the living room, then finished unloading the car. We had some lunch (actually, by this time it was like 5pm and was really more like dinner.. but neither of us really had eaten all day). I put Hailey down to sleep. She's STILL sleeping right now.

She was an absolute ANGEL. I swear, I couldn't possibly have been blessed with a better child. We were in that waiting room from 6am until 2pm - EIGHT HOURS. She cried ONCE. She was really, really tired and I didn't blame her. She had been up since 4:30am! She had about a 30 minute nap in her stroller. I laid it back and gave her a warm bottle and she passed out for a little while. She really needed it. Otherwise, we watched some of the movies in the waiting room and she WAVED at people all day. Well, her "wave" is more of a Hitler wave where she just holds her hand out at people. lol But still.. she gets the idea of what it's for.

Anyways... Joe and I took a nap - together for a while, and then I went upstairs to be closer to Hailey in case she woke up. Joe got up a little while later and was up and about - although he has a soft cast and is pretty pissed about it because it's so much easier to bump his foot and get hurt.

They gave him THIRTY days leave. I think that's bullshit. I thought the 6 weeks we were originally told wasn't enough... thirty days is insane. He thinks it's because they ended up not having to drill into him. I don't really care. He is going to have to learn how to walk again no matter what. But he's up and getting about on his crutches.

Labels: ankle, ankle surgery, army, blogging, crabby, dads, fathers, iraq, Joe, Kimi, military

The Most Important Blog I've Ever Written

So Joe and I hadn't really discussed his surgery much up until tonight. The word "surgery" scares the shit out of me, but deep down I figured it was no big deal. I mean.. it's just an ankle, right? Basically, all I knew is that they were going in his ankle, shortening some ligaments and some other medical stuff that I don't understand. But apparently, it's much bigger than that.. and that's the reason I'm still up at it's 3am.

Joe informed me tonight that they are putting him under. That terrifies me. I was under the impression that he'd get a local anesthetic.. maybe some laughing gas or something. I had no idea they would completely knock him out and put him under, or that he would have his leg open for three hours.

And then it occurred to me that today may have been my last full day with my husband. Sometimes, people don't wake up from that shit. I don't know how common it is or isn't.. and frankly, I don't care. A .01% chance is high enough for me and really threw a lot into perspective. For the past three nights, I've been yelling at Joe to stop snoring.. when I may never hear that snoring again. And maybe we should have spent today doing something special. We didn't.. and I can never get today back. That made me realize that I should treat every day as if it's special.. because it may be the last one we ever get.

So then Joe starts talking about how he doesn't have a living will - which made it all the more real to me that this is really going to happen and it's serious enough that he really should have a living will written out and that something could very well go very wrong. He wouldn't have even made mention of needing one if he didn't think it might be necessary.

And then I thought of Hailey, and watching her play with her daddy and how much I love watching them play and hearing her squeals of laughter.. and how Monday night may be my last chance to ever hear that again. And she loves her daddy SO much and I know he loves her - even if he sometimes has a hard time showing it.

I feel like I have a knife in my heart and someone is just twisting, stabbing and wrenching it repeatedly. I feel sick.. and dinner is in the toilet. I don't know what to think or do. I've never experienced this sort of thing before and will have no time to cope or prepare before Tuesday. I mean, I wish I'd known all of this sooner, although I doubt that would have done any good. How does one prepare for this sort of thing!?

I have no idea how I'm going to make it through Tuesday. I keep playing scenarios through my head and just bawling my eyes out. My mind is racing. I just don't know how I'm supposed to get through a day in a hospital with a near 10 month old and knowing that they are going to put my husband into a sleep he may never wake up from. I'd apologize for being dramatic.. but this is serious shit.

Great.. and now he's mad at me for being upset. Of course I'm upset! Why wouldn't I be upset!? I've never been SO worried about anything in my entire life. I'm afraid of having to wake up without him. I'm afraid of being 22 years old and having to bury my 26 year old husband. OF COURSE I'M FUCKING UPSET!!! Why in the world would I not be? He told me "don't worry about me". Uhh, too late!

And Hailey is having a bad night I guess. She's up for the fourth time. This isn't like her at all. She's so crabby tonight. I let her dance in her bed a while when she got upset. She wore herself out and went back to sleep. But now she's up again and crying. *sigh* I'm sure it could be worse... but I wish she hadn't picked tonight and I wish Joe had told me all of this shit sooner - although I don't know what difference it would have made.

Usually my blogs make me feel better. Not tonight. I'm gonna try to go sleep, although I doubt that's gonna happen. :(

Labels: ankle, ankle surgery, army, dads, family, fathers, Hailey, Joe, kids, Kimi, life, marriage, military, parenting, surgery

Prepping for Surgery

I haven't blogged in a few days. My mind seems to be swimming lately and my ADHD is driving me insane. I try so hard to control it, but I'm having a horrible time concentrating on anything. Stress plays a major factor... and with my husband's ankle surgery coming up, I have plenty of that!

I don't even know what time the surgery is for. That's the Army for ya...give you a place and date, but no time! We won't know until tomorrow - which means getting a babysitter is completely out of the question. I have no idea how well Hailey will handle the hospital. I just don't feel right dropping Joe off and telling him to call me when they are ready to send him home. :( But at the same time, I can't spend the whole day at the hospital with her. That's not going to go well at all and will just make the whole situation more stressful.

I think Joe will come home Thursday at the latest. I'm not 100% sure. I just know that he's supposed to stay at least overnight. I'm gonna miss him SO much. Geez.. we've only really been apart for a couple of weeks total - and that was when we first started dating.

We have a lot to do, but Joe is pretty into sleeping and lounging around. I can understand that.. because he must be nervous. Hell..I'm nervous and I'm not getting my ankle cut into. I wanna get downstairs more living friendly. Joe will be sleeping on the pull out bed/couch for a while and I have no idea how in the world we're getting him upstairs to shower. He'll need to shower at least once a dang week or I may need to evict his stinky self. lol

I'll be doing a lot of driving and bill paying myself. Scary. I never pay our bills. Joe always does it. But there is no way he can go out and do those things in a cast. I'm not even sure how long he'll have the cast...but he'll have leave from work for six weeks so he can heal and learn how to walk again.

I was hoping we could borrow some money from someone and simply pay all of the bills way ahead of time so it would be covered, but I guess that isn't going to happen. At least most of them can be paid online.. which helps a bit.

Anyways.. please keep our family in your thoughts on Tuesday. This is the first of what will probably be many surgeries for my husband!

Labels: ankle, ankle surgery, army, blogging, dads, family, fathers, life, military, money

What Makes a Parent

I'm member to so many parenting groups on MySpace (not to mention, I moderate six of them). But one that I'm most active of is a group called "Young Parents" - which is basically what it sounds like. The ladies in there are as young as 15 and as old as 30 (the 30 year olds are either there to be bitches and judge, or they were once a young parent as well). The group has a few trolls - people who use fake profiles simply to come in and stir trouble, but for the most part is a rather productive group.

We've had our share of stupid people in the group. I have been a member for two years now and I've certainly seen my share. But what came up last night, takes the cake for me.

There is a 19 year old girl in the group (we'll call her Bri) who has no children, has never had children, and will not be having any children in the near to distant future. She works in a day care, and actually believes that working in a day care makes her qualified to give advice to people about kids. She's made this claim before, and the mod asked her to leave the group a whole year ago (she didn't ban her..in case she ever did have children).

But last night, things got "worse" if you will. Bri actually suggested that she is raising the children she watches at work a few hours per day. You're joking..right? Let's examine her first thought...

"I have to say that there are some jobs out there that are harder than taking care of a child. I'm not saying taking care of a child isn't hard, it is. I care for alot of children everyday. The nice thing about not working outside of your home, is you get to work in the comfort of your own home. There are children annoying me all day. LOTS of children. If I am alone w/o help, I can't pee whenever I need to. You can at home though..."

First off, there is NO harder job in this world than raising a child. There just isn't. Not only is physically demanding, but it's mentally and emotionally demanding as well. We are shaping people...REAL PEOPLE. We are teaching right from wrong and literally raising the future of this world. There is no harder job, and there is no job more important either. Being a parent is the most fulfilling job I have ever known and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

We don't get to just pee whenever we need to. Either someone is trying to stick their little fingers under the door to wave at us, tries to go in the bathroom with us to "help" or they sit outside the door screaming while you just take 2 minutes to yourself to do your business. Before you are a parent, you don't even realize how precious alone time in the bathroom - even for a couple of minutes, really is.

So then, this girl starts ragging on stay at home mothers as well, basically suggesting that we have it the easiest of all. Oh, how very little she knows.

"I am sure I could handle being a stay at home mom and I still wouldn't call it a harder job than someone else's. It depends on the job. Yeah, it's a hard job, but once you get the hang of it, it gets easier and you adjust."

Oh really? I don't recall it getting any easier. Being at home all day with our children means not paying someone else to take them for even a couple of hours each day. We have them ALL day, which means very little time for ourselves. Don't get me wrong..I adore being a SAHM, but it doesn't just get easier. It gets harder, because the children grow up and the job is always changing. It's not like working at McDonald's where every day in the same and you simply get used to the routine. No..children make every day completely different from the last!

The next issue will make you laugh. A woman told her that raising children is a lot different than taking care of children like day care workers do and her response was just hilarious.

"We do raise these children. We teach them everything. We teach them how to walk, talk, use the potty, etc. It's more than just taking care of a child. This isn't babysitting for a couple of hours where you sit on a couch and throw some toys on the living room floor until the parent(s) come home."

Well, I don't know what kind of babysitting she's been doing, but I sure as hell never sat on the couch and simply threw the kids a few toys, waiting for the kid's parents to come home. That part of her comment makes me wonder what she really thinks of being a parent, and if that's what she thinks we really do all day.

As for "raising" the kids in day care. Um..I don't think so! You are NOT raising those children!!! That's what they have parents for! You are simply paid to watch over them, change them, feed them and keep them safe while their parents are out earning money to be able to support their faimilies. Watching a kid a few hours each day is not raising them. Oh boo hoo, you had to change a diaper or clean up spilled juice. That is not parenting!

Here is what it means to be a parent (Thanks to Lindsay for a few of these).

You know more about medicine than most doctors.

You discover your parents were right, damn it.

You find yourself doing and saying things your parents did and said to you despite your childhood vows to the contrary.

8:30pm seems like an ungodly hour but 5am does not.

There is a three letter word that beats sex: bed.

You can hold a conversation, monitor 360 degrees around you, eat, hold a baby and think it all normal.

You can spot another parent without speaking or even knowing them.

The idea of a good night is no phone calls, all errands done and everyone in bed before 8pm.

You miss hangovers.

The sight of vomit/blood/poo/pish/drool and any other bodily fluids have no impact on you whatsoever.

You can video, take a photo with a separate camera, sing happy birthday and blow out the candles at the same time.

You can patronize your single and childless friends with "just wait until you have kids"

You realize what non-returnable really means.

Adult interaction consists of reading emails...including spam.

The thought of watching kids sing old songs out of tune for an hour fills you with excitement and pride.

Juggling looks easy.

You can actually be not two but three places at once.

You can hand out advice like this.

You can watch your kids make and do all the same stupid things you did.

You can listen to your kids going through the same with their kids as you went through with them...and laugh about it.

You can sing the theme songs and know the characters of 72 different kids shows and movies.

Your TV is permanently set on the cartoon channel.

When you have to drive 30 minutes to go get a teddy bear you forgot because your 3 year old WILL NOT sleep without it at 2 am, then you are a mom.

When you HAVE to buy an extra ice cream because Billy (the imaginary friend) needs one too.... and you do it because it's just easier, then you are a mom.

When you are playing "ariplane" and laughing because your precious little child is laughing too and all of a sudden you have a mouth full of baby vomit without warning, then you are a mom.

When you are up until 1 am with a sick baby and you finally get them to sleep... 10 minutes later you go in to check and the diaper has exploded 5 different shades of brown and green shit ALL over the place... Now you are washing sheets until 3 am because they won't sleep without their favorite blankie, then you are a mom.

When you just finished mopping the kitchen floor and your lovely child drops the gallon of grape juice and watches it spread like wildfire under the table, fridge and stove... then says "Ohhh pretty purple!", then you're a mom.

When you wake up to giggling in the kitchen to find your child has 18 eggs cracked all over the table, chairs and floor (don't worry, one is on the plate) and the eggs are mixed with chocolate syrup... you're little chef looks at you proudly and says "Mommy I made breakfast for you" and you just smile, then you are a mom.

When your kid puts the cat in the toilet because they need to wash the marker off before you find out, and now you are kissing kitty scratch boo boo's covered in toilet water JUST to stop the crying, then you are a mom.

Until then... you are NOT a parent. And you have no idea what being a parent is.

And this is one of my favorite little stories about C.A.A.D.D.

C.A.A.D.D.

Recently, I was diagnosed with C. A. A. D. D. - Child Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to do the laundry. As I start toward the
basement, I notice that there are cheerios all over
the floor and my car keys are in the cereal bowl.

I decide to pick up the cheerios before I do the
laundry. I lay my car keys down on the counter, put
the cheerios in the trash can under the counter,
and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to
take out the trash.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the
mailbox when I take out the trash I may as well pay
the bills first. I take my checkbook off the
table, and see that there is only one check left, my extra
checks are in my desk in the office/playroom, so I
go to my desk where I find a sippy cup full of
juice. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I
decide I should put the sippy cup in the
refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the sippy cup a
vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye --
they need to be watered. I set the sippy cup on the
counter, and I discover baby wipes that I've been
searching for all morning. I decide I better put
them back in the bathroom, but first I'm going to
water the flowers.

I set the wipes back down, fill a container with
water and suddenly I spot the TV remote, one of the
kids left it on the kitchen table. I realize that
after school when they go to watch TV, I will be
looking for the remote as they fight over who lost
it, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen
table, so I decide to put it back in the den where
it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it
spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back
down, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I
was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the laundry isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid, there is a warm cup of juice
sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered,
there is still only one check in my checkbook, I
can't find the remote, I can't find the wipes, and
I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done
today, I'm really baffled because I know I was
busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try
to get some help for it, but first I'll check my
myspace.

Labels: adult, babies, dads, family, fathers, funny, kids, life, matenity, parenting, pregnancy, womanhood, women

Why Men Make Terrible Mothers

Deep down, my husband is a loving, caring Father who would do anything for his wife and daughter. But on a day to day basis, he's seriously lacking in the parenting department. Now, I'm not speaking for all men, because I realize there are some wonderful single fathers out there. But my husband has absolutely no common sense when it comes to our child.

My pregnancy was spent with the normal belly hugs, tummy rubs and excitement of becoming parents. My husband constantly told me how excited he was for the arrival of our daughter, and told stories of everything he would do with her - from playing in the park, to watching Sunday morning cartoons together. But something happened when my daughter came into this world... My husband suddenly lost all common sense and clearly has no idea what parenting is about.

Fast forward to today. Today was supposed to be a day for me, and Joe was going to watch our daughter Hailey all day until he had to go to work this afternoon. This included everything - from diaper changes to feeding and playing with her. Little did I know that in the 9 1/2 months our daughter has been in this world, that my husband had paid no attention and hasn't the first clue when it comes to providing for her...not even for just a day. That scares me of course. I mean, I'd like to know that if I croaked tomorrow, my husband could keep our child alive. I honestly don't see that happening.

Here is how the conversation went today when it was time for Hailey's breakfast:

Joe: So um, where's her food?
(I hand him some apple sauce for her to have with some cereal for breakfast)
Joe: Oh, She eats THAT?
Me: No Joseph.. I've been eating it for her.
Joe: Well doesn't she eat formula for like a few more months?
Me: Yes, but not as entire meals any more...and hasn't for a couple of months now.
Joe: So like, do I put it in a bowl...or.....
Me: Good Lord.. just give it to me!

Don't get me wrong, I WANT him to learn! That's why instead of making Hailey wait longer for breakfast, I took and prepared her meal (with him watching) and went to go feed her. He was supposed to pay attention and watch..but of course did not.

I wager that bath time tonight is going to be quite interesting. I'd like to give my husband more credit, but I feel that I will have to stand close by to watch to make sure he doesn't accidentally drown the poor kid.

Labels: babies, dads, family, fathers, funny, Hailey, Joe, kids, life, parenting, pregnancy, rest and relaxation, womanhood, women